Tuesday, August 28, 2007

The doldrums...and birthdays!

Do you remember that movie? (I know, all of you purists will start ranting..."it's a book! It's a book") It was an old cartoon rendition of the Phantom Tollbooth. There was a song about the doldrums and how they just kind of slid around. That's what I feel like today: Kind of sulky that it's time to gear down for school, and really just wanting to *be*.

It's been to long since I lost wrote and I need to make a new goal not to write so much in each post. If I wrote more often I wouldn't have this problem. :-) Although, I have also given up with photos for now. Our computer is too full and won't load my photos right. In fact, I can't have more than two programs open at once, or it will give me a full disk error. It's such a pian, but one that hopefully will "shortly be remedied."

My baby is two today. We had a party for Buggy on Saturday where she choked on some watermelon. I mean really choked. It wasn't totally covering her airway all of the time, but she wasn't getting adequate air for several minutes. She turned blue once at the beginning, but she just couldn't cough hard enough to get it out. I started to get really nervous and HeaterBoy held her upside down and did everything you *can* do for someone who is choking and still getting some air through until I finally convinced him to let me call 911. Of coure, as soon as I had someone on the phone, she finally coughed it out-after a few well-placed fingersweeps by dad. After the excitment, she stayed really still in my arms for a while until she tried to get more watermelon.

I can't believe Buggy is doing so well. The day she was born was such a miraculous and spiritual day for me. It was such a peaceful Sunday morning. It went exactly as I had envisioned, with my small but very effective supporting team, and my amazing husband there to hold my hand as I experienced something so new and scary and wonderful and exciting and empowering and did I say scary? I had worked so hard that pregnancy to find trust in my body and my baby. I worked to reconnect with my spirit and make a safe place for my baby to be. I don't know if I'll ever forget how empowering and wonderful that day was. It has helped me to better mother. There is a quote that someone on one of my lists has in her siggy and it says "There is a secret in our society and it's not that childbirth is dangerous, it's that women are strong." I don't remember who said the quote, but I think about it every time I see it.

Buggy helped me to be a strong woman. She helped me to see that strength isn't originated in ourselves but in our God. We are strong. Mothers are given so many gifts just by virtue of motherhood and womanhood that it constantly amazes me. I am so grateful for Buggy and all that she has taught me. Also, the things that I have learned from God because I am blessed enough to take care of her.

I didn't want to write a ton about her "accident" as that anniversary isn't for five more weeks, but I do want to mention that after that happened, and she survived it, that we were left wondering how much longer she would be with us. Whether it would be months or years, nobody could tell us. The last two years have been such a lesson for all of us in patience, compassion, trust, faith and love that we could never have foreseen. Every day is a special gift and I don't know if I'll ever be non-neurotic enough to stop watching for her breathing, but I'm grateful for the time we have.

The five weeks I had with Buggy before her accident are so precious to me. She was so neurologically mature that she was truly smiling within one or two weeks. She spent so much time in awake, alert stage that I was amazed. She just wanted to take in the whole world. She loved getting to know her siblings. She allowed me to dress her up and tolerated it all. she had some colic at night, but we figure that they were headaches and not tummyaches. Even with the headaches, she was so easily consoled. I would just throw her in the sling and walk up and down 800 East. She nursed like a champ (my first easy nursing experience) and she even made tandem nursing not so ferocious.

I miss that girl. Although, she was so precocious, would she have been telling me about the spirit world before she forgot? :-) I grieve the future that every parent wants for their child. I also celebrate what she is able to do in *this* body at this time. I am realizing that dichotomy in emotions is possible. It's what makes us human. Buggy was supposed to come to us. She was supposed to be like she is. Who knows what that means for the future? I know my family can be eternal and I'm going to try as hard as I can to keep it that way. Earth life can be so temporary.

Saturday, August 18, 2007

Aack! I'm, trying to upload my photos and it's just not working. I turnd in my knitting and got...


Nevermind that most of the contestants in Cache Valley get blue ribbons. It still felt good and I think I made about $6. I'm not sure, I haven't picked up my prize money yet. That's better than a kick in the pants. Especially considerng I spent about $40 at the fair that weekend. ;-) Wouldn't it be nice to make back what I spend? Maybe I'll knit and spin like crazy this year and attempt the feat.

We also sent Saori off this morning. This is part of my lack of posting this last two weeks. We have been going liek mad dogs, trying to get everything in. We still didn't make it to some places like the Great Salt Lake (I know, it's gross, but you have to go at least once while you're in Utah), Golden Spike, Hot Springs, Aquatic Center. But we made it to most of Belen's appointments and got some of her shoppig done, so it's good. Rapunzel was so very sad to see Saori leave, she refused to giver her a hug goodbye for quite some time. Buggy slept through most of the final picture taking. We (the grown-ups) were up until after 2:00 last night just talking, so I set two alarms to wake up and I *still* missed both of them. We were going to get her some salsa that she liekd at Lee's early, but it just didn't happen.

We were so glad that Saori came to stay with us and we hope that we can see her again someday. Maybe I'll send my sister to find her while she's gallivanting around with my parents next month. :-) She has becmome a new part of our family and we are all so grateful to have had the opportunity to have met her.

Once I can figure out my computer glitches (grrr), I'll post some pics of all of us at Aggie Ice Cream. And my blue ribbon stuff :-)

Friday, August 3, 2007

The beginning of the End

of Summer, that is. I can see things start to wind down. My nephew already started kindergarten last week. We went school shopping already for cool things like pencils and sharpeners and of course, the new color pack of Sharpies.

We are really excited to be hosting an exchange chaperone from Japan on Sunday. We will have her with us for two weeks. We don't have kids old enough to host a teenage in the program, so it will be one of the chaperones, which is great because she has kids the same age as ours. She'll be without them, but it should be lots of fun. The kids and I have been thinking of fun (preferably free) places to take her. Any suggestions? She may have been to SLC already, so I'm thinking more local. We're already reading a bunch about Japan to get ready and Frodo is having fun reading about the Samurais.

Finished Harry Potter. Kind of sad, it's an era for me. HeaterBoy had tons to say concerning her editing, or lack thereof, but she's a good storyteller.

We went to SLC twice this week for appointments with Buggy. A barium upper GI study showed that her stomach is fully 1/3 above her diaphragm. That could cause problems, but it's not right now. Her Nissen is still holding and that is good news. It's held for 22 months now and so it will probably be okay. Shes' eating tons by mouth this week, so I'm hopeful that it will continue. It's so much better to digest your food with the enzymes that are included in your saliva. It's made a difference in her rashes.

Our tomatoes are getting ready to redden up and I picked our first zucchini this week! It was so exciting. HeaterBoy was commissioned to make some ice cream for a party, and he might actually make money doing it. The Gardner's Market has been fun for us.

I have been working on a pair of socks, but I refuse to take a pictuere until they are complete. I will be taking some pics of some other things. A friend and I are going to enter some stuff in the couty Fair. I've never done it before, but I think it will be fun. I'm going to put in Buggy's Flirty Skirty and one of her longies. I spun the yarn for both. when I get them ready I will post here too.